Deciding and Doing: understand your fears and the pay-off

by | Dec 15, 2014 | Achieving goals, Coaching | 0 comments

Last week, as I wrote about the difference between deciding and doing, I realised that there was something that I had decided to do but hadn’t. It was time to put this right. When I ask you to show fierce courage it’s because I know it is worth it. I have done it myself, and I’ll do it again.


Dancing. It’s a passion of mine. I will dance to almost any kind of music. Yet, since moving to Amsterdam, I haven’t been out dancing.

Why not? Well, I had been waiting to find someone to go with. Then, when I found them, I was waiting for a date when we could go together.

It looked it wasn’t going to happen. Then I wrote about those birds on the tree. Deciding, but not doing.

That’s not me. That can’t be me, I thought. But if I didn’t go out and dance, then I would be just like those birds: deciding but not doing.

So on Dec 13th I did it. Winter illnesses brought my fellow dancers to their beds. I was on my own. I had butterflies in my stomach and an uncomfortable feeling in my whole body. A tension that I couldn’t shake off.

It was time to step up and DO.

But what was it that I was afraid of? I decided to find out.

Was it travelling into town on my own at night?         No.

Was it walking into a venue where I didn’t know anyone, on my own?         No.

Was it dancing by myself?         No.

The actual answer surprised me. There were 2 things I was afraid of:

  1. What if I CAN do this? What if I enjoy it?
  2. What ELSE can I do if I can do this?

no. 1. It’s so strange how we can avoid doing something that we know will make us happy but that is a big topic and I will save that for another day.

no. 2 What else can I do if I do this?

It’s the “what else” that was causing the tension. A list of all the other things I could do ran through my head. All of them scary. All of them taking me out of my comfort zone. All of them things that I want to do.

It’s like this small action of going out dancing was a dam holding back a world of possible actions that would tumble down upon me and smother me. THAT is what I was really afraid of. All the wonderful, great things I could do, if I let myself.

Breathe. One step at a time. Dec 13th was just about the dancing. I feel really good when I go dancing. I didn’t not want hold myself back anymore, not for any reason.

That was my pay-off for facing my fear: feeling good and giving myself permission to go and do something I really wanted to do. Taking the control back into my hands

I went dancing on my own. I did it. And I am now filled with a confidence that I struggle to describe. Something inside me has changed for the better. The control over my life is in my hands.


You can do this too. Understand what you are really afraid of. Understand what the pay-off is for doing it anyway. Then go do it.


Coming up in my next post: Commitment Strategy. How to create commitment to actually do that thing you have decided to do.






Want to be first in the know?

Sign up here to receive the latest blog posts straight to your inbox