Deciding and Doing: understand your fears and the pay-off

by | Dec 15, 2014 | Achieving goals, Coaching | 0 comments

Last week, as I wrote about the difference between deciding and doing, I realised that there was something that I had decided to do but hadn’t. It was time to put this right. When I ask you to show fierce courage it’s because I know it is worth it. I have done it myself, and I’ll do it again.

 

Dancing. It’s a passion of mine. I will dance to almost any kind of music. Yet, since moving to Amsterdam, I haven’t been out dancing.

Why not? Well, I had been waiting to find someone to go with. Then, when I found them, I was waiting for a date when we could go together.

It looked it wasn’t going to happen. Then I wrote about those birds on the tree. Deciding, but not doing.

That’s not me. That can’t be me, I thought. But if I didn’t go out and dance, then I would be just like those birds: deciding but not doing.

So on Dec 13th I did it. Winter illnesses brought my fellow dancers to their beds. I was on my own. I had butterflies in my stomach and an uncomfortable feeling in my whole body. A tension that I couldn’t shake off.

It was time to step up and DO.

But what was it that I was afraid of? I decided to find out.

Was it travelling into town on my own at night?         No.

Was it walking into a venue where I didn’t know anyone, on my own?         No.

Was it dancing by myself?         No.

The actual answer surprised me. There were 2 things I was afraid of:

  1. What if I CAN do this? What if I enjoy it?
  2. What ELSE can I do if I can do this?

no. 1. It’s so strange how we can avoid doing something that we know will make us happy but that is a big topic and I will save that for another day.

no. 2 What else can I do if I do this?

It’s the “what else” that was causing the tension. A list of all the other things I could do ran through my head. All of them scary. All of them taking me out of my comfort zone. All of them things that I want to do.

It’s like this small action of going out dancing was a dam holding back a world of possible actions that would tumble down upon me and smother me. THAT is what I was really afraid of. All the wonderful, great things I could do, if I let myself.

Breathe. One step at a time. Dec 13th was just about the dancing. I feel really good when I go dancing. I didn’t not want hold myself back anymore, not for any reason.

That was my pay-off for facing my fear: feeling good and giving myself permission to go and do something I really wanted to do. Taking the control back into my hands

I went dancing on my own. I did it. And I am now filled with a confidence that I struggle to describe. Something inside me has changed for the better. The control over my life is in my hands.

Holding-the-World-in-Our-Hands

You can do this too. Understand what you are really afraid of. Understand what the pay-off is for doing it anyway. Then go do it.

 

Coming up in my next post: Commitment Strategy. How to create commitment to actually do that thing you have decided to do.

 

 

 

 

 

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