But I know the answers. How can I actually stop myself from telling them what to do or taking over and doing it myself?
This coaching tip is linked to the Leadership Skills Checklist. Specifically, the skill: You’ve switched from doing the tasks yourself to enabling others to do the tasks.
You have so much knowledge and experience. And you want to help. You can’t just stand by, doing nothing, while they figure it all out.
You want to help. And you are ultimately responsible for the results.
And you don’t want to go in and tell them what to do (it can be the path to micromanaging or disempowering them).
Recognise this? I definitely felt this way and I’ve literally had dozens of conversations with clients experiencing the same thing.
So what you can you do?
(Let’s assume you’re working on another item from the checklist: Flip that mental switch to let go of your old role. Here’s the checklist if you don’t have it).
What you can do:
Ask different questions. Use coaching skills so that
- your team can figure things out for themselves
- AND you get to help – just in a different way
Practical exercise:
Start practicing using these 2 Key Skills on a daily basis. Perhaps start with one conversation per day.
- Powerful Questions
- Active Listening
Powerful Questions: an open question (what, how, when, where, who) that gets the other person thinking and evokes clarity, action, discovery, insight or commitment.
Here are some examples:
What’s the real issue here?
How do you want to tackle this?
Where are you getting stuck? What do you need (to learn, to get) to be able to solve this?
Who can help you? (warning! don’t take on the task yourself). Ask: How can they help? and Who else?
Ask a question and then shut up. Give them time to think.
Active Listening: Normally we listen to respond or listen and form our own opinions about what is being said.
Active listening is where the focus of your listening is on the other person. Whatever they are saying, put your attention on:
What is important to them about it?
What values can you hear? What are they not saying?
What do you notice about the energy/vibe when they speak? etc
What are they not saying?
How do they feel about this topic?
Listening this way will:
- Stop you thinking about yourself and how you would do it
- Tell you what to ask them about because you will have so much more information.
This post is part of my special Coaching Tips Series. This series was inspired by my clients and the core themes in their challenges. When we can apply these tips, we bring a lot of ease into our lives and step into our leadership. Want to talk it through with me? Call me and let’s make a Game Plan together.