Far too often I see people pushing on with something: a job, project, friendship, long after they should have stopped.
I’ve done it myself in the past, and a recent decision to stop has inspired this post (don’t worry, I’m not stopping coaching, love it too much).
When should I stop this?
I often see claims of being a serial entrepreneur being used as a sign of something good, that they were saying they really knew about business.
And I used to think the only thing this statement actually conveys for sure, is that this person knows how to start something up, and they know how to stop.
I still think that this is objectively true.
Only by looking at what their businesses achieved while they existed, how they were run, or how well they continued when they were sold off, could actually tell me whether that person was good at business.
I’ve always admired people who get up and start that thing that they want to do. Could be starting a company, could be a that YouTube channel where they share all their crafts and teach others how to create too.
People who get on with it? I’m a big fan.
But as I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve focused more and more on the importance of knowing when to stop.
Like when I had that manager, whose strategy I thought was complete garbage. To clarify: it was a decent strategy just not for the business we were in.
My job at the time had two main parts:
- to co-design the strategy – which they didn’t let me do.
- to implement the strategy – which my conscience and self-respect wouldn’t let me do with their strategy.
I could either be frustrated and fight a losing fight, or I could stop.
I realised I couldn’t create the impact I wanted to create in this particular work environment.
So I stopped working for that person, and got a different job. This change took a few months to make happen, but I started working on it as soon as I realised this was the right thing for me.
In the meantime, I knew I had to quit the “it shouldn’t be this way” fight in my own head, and as a client once said to me “focus on what I can learn while I am here”.
I implemented some key projects and then moved on.
Later, when I had set up on my own, doing my coaching and training work, I joined a professional women’s network to enable me to meet people and have intelligent, good people to talk to.
Being self-employed comes with zero colleagues, and I mostly like colleagues.
To be of service, and to be able to practice what I teach, I joined the board of that organisation. Because let’s face it, there’s only so much leadership you can do by yourself.
Being part of a leadership team served an important purpose. It kept me connected to the experience of leading with a team. It’s bloody hard. People having their own ideas, so you have to influence, persuade to get them on board. And sometimes be influenced and persuaded and follow their plan.
Phew! All that collaboration takes work.
After 3.5 years there was a natural ending of this story arc: time for my time with this volunteer work to end.
How did I know to stop?
I could feel in my body the urge to move. I had done what I had set out to do. I had outgrown the network.
There was a very real and natural feeling of “it’s time to stop”.
Back then I didn’t have a handle for these transitions. Then I learned about Arcs, story arcs.
You know what an arc is: you start at one point, you build up to something (hopefully cool) and then things wind down and end.
All things in life have an arc.
If you pay attention to the arc, you’ll know when to stop.
Have you ever listened to someone talk and at some point you’re all thinking “surely this story is ending now?”
That’s when they’ve gone past the natural end of the arc: it’s dragging on.
If you’ve got some areas of your life and work that are dragging on, you’ve gone past the natural end point of an arc.
Now go look at that thing that’s dragging and ask yourself: what about this needs to stop?
You’ve got to know when to start, and you’ve got to know when to stop.
This post is part of my specialย Coaching Tips Series. This series was inspired by my clients and the core themes in their challenges. When we can apply these tips, we bring a lot of ease into our lives and step into our leadership.ย Want to talk it through with me?ย Call me and letโs make a Game Planย together.