Imagine making a mistake, and then not beating yourself up about it.
Like even a really big fuck up.
A missed chance to ask for that promotion.
Missing a problem in the project that’s cost the company money or time.
Wanting to defend your point of view in a meeting but you’re silenced by the hostile pushback. So you don’t speak up.
Imagine you realise your mistake, and then don’t tell yourself that you’re stupid.
Then replay what you wish you would have done instead, over and over. (is that only me? it can’t be only me)
Imagine you’re not frustrated with yourself, and all the ways you have failed.
Imagine this instead:
you realise you’ve made a mistake.
you laugh a little. it hurts, but you let the pain pass.
You calmly accept “Well that was a mistake. wish I hadn’t done that”.
And then you do for yourself what you would do for your best friend: with kindness you say “never mind, you’re only human”.
And you forgive yourself.
Would you be into this?
Admit the mistake and then move on. Happily, carefree.
I used to beat myself up about all my mistakes. Even years later I could remember that stupidly obvious thing I said on the first day of uni, and I’d still feel bad.
But now I admit my mistake, take a moment to feel what I feel, and then I move on.
I now spend my energy on:
- what I have I learned?
- what do I need to prevent this same mistake in the future?
- what do I want to do now?
All while not feeling bad about myself.
Crazy, I know! But oh so lovely.
I get to be constructive straight away.
I get to be happy and content.
I don’t take it personally.
My mistakes don’t define who I am. They are just part of me trying things out, and sometimes failing to get it right the first time.
My mistakes are just part of my learning journey.
And I’ve got to tell you, it’s a liberating to live this way.
I’m so much nicer to myself, which means I can bet nicer to my family, to everyone.
But wait, how did you do this? I hear you ask.
Let me tell you.
I have inner critics, who love to tell me all the things I do wrong, and how I will fail etc. You have them too.
That :
“what if you fail?” voice
“they’ll find out you don’t know what you are doing” voice.
“why can’t you be like Alex, Alex is wonderful at everything” voice.
I learned how to shut them up.
And not just for me. This is the feedback I got from people like you:
“I’m able to identify when I’m judging myself, and I can take a step back from it and stop doing it sooner. I also have the feeling there are less judgements and negative emotions popping up in my life as before.” – Mary, Manager
“The goals i reached are: reacting less emotional in situations and have a better communication/ understanding with my colleague / family.” – Tom, Manager
“I’m more calm in certain situaties. Better handling other situations and people” – Dorothy, Leader
Would you be into this?
A happier, more constructive way of living? Not being afraid to fail? Feeling good and confident, no matter what?
A break from that inner chatter that just brings you down by pointing out all your faults?
A way to shut them up so you can get on with life?
Then hit reply and ask me about my Mental Fitness program.
“If you want to be aware on how you are sabotaging yourself, take this program” + it is scientifically sound + it teaches you some practical small tricks. – Tim, IT Manager
It works.
This post is part of my special Coaching Tips Series. This series was inspired by my clients and the core themes in their challenges. When we can apply these tips, we bring a lot of ease into our lives and step into our leadership. Want to talk it through with me? Call me and let’s make a Game Plan together.