The irony in us – when we don’t let ourselves have what we want

by | May 14, 2018 | Achieving goals, Leadership, Learning | 0 comments

My Purpose

Those of you who have already worked with me will know this about me:

I’m all about EASE – taking the “this is hard” feeling out of what we do and what we want to do.

I believe so strongly that it doesn’t need to be hard, that it is my purpose in life to bring ease into your worlds: career, family, free time – and of course to my own worlds.

And it’s working.

I know it works for my clients, because they say things like:

“Amber helped me lot at challenges from a new perspective…this made them less heavy and gave me news ways to overcome them”

And it’s working for me. I’m continually finding ways to bring ease into what I do.

But there’s a but

And yet, I’m feeling unease. I’m thinking:

What’s going to go wrong? What IS wrong? It can’t be this easy. This is going too smoothly.

Here’s an example.

I’m doing a project with R, a director, and one of the amazing women in tech I know. We’ve created an event by bringing together our purposes and getting inspired by them. Neither one of us wanted the hard slog of attracting the general public to our event (it’s sooo not my thing – kudos to all those who love doing that). So we strategically contacted organisations that we thought would be interested.

Within a week we had a deal (full disclosure: this is a free event with the organisation sponsoring us with the location. I’m not claiming to be able to sell an event to an organisation in this time frame – it takes longer than that. However, if you have done it, reach out to me or add a comment and tell me how you did it!)

It was awesome. Two minds working together; being honest about what we want and don’t want; co-creating our ideal event. Then BAM! Got a client. Sorted.

And ever since then I’ve been feeling unsettled. Kind of like I’m going to get caught, like I’ve cheated.

It’s been puzzling me. I couldn’t figure it out until I started talking about it (another belief of mine: talking brings clarity). And I realised some truths about myself

Truths about myself

  • My purpose IS to bring EASE into the world: yours and mine
  • I want this so desperately, for you and for me: I’m sick of things being hard
  • I don’t feel I can have it for myself: Surely I need to work harder than this?

The irony in us

The irony in me was that creating ease was making me uneasy. How messed up is that? But there was a hidden truth: I haven’t given myself permission for my life to have ease. I’m not allowing myself to have the thing that I want most.

Sound familiar?

You get what you want, but it feels uncomfortable. There’s a nagging voice that’s saying

Are you sure you can have this? If it’s this easy, you’ve done something wrong.

Don’t you know? Life is supposed to be hard.

Becoming aware of the contradiction in my has set me on the path to accepting ease. Sharing this with you is one of the steps to helping me accept ease (I wrote this so quickly; it just flowed). And I’m sharing this with you because I think there is an irony or contradiction in you.

Now it’s your turn

So what have you even creating for yourself and others? (what is your purpose?)

And now that you are getting it, how is it? Does it feel good? Great – share your story with us!

Or are you like, struggling to accept? Then share that too. Talking brings clarity so express yourself in the comments, or get in touch. Or talk to a friend – a really good listener (the kind that will let you talk and explore without jumping in with ideas to “fix” you).


Want to be first in the know?

Sign up here to receive the latest blog posts straight to your inbox