So I launched my first ever women only group program, and we had the first call on Tuesday.
It’s a new format, it’s new content, in fact everything about it is new for me.
And after the first call, I had 3 minutes of crapping my pants.
Did they hate it? Or even worse, did they think it was “meh”?
Mediocrity feels so much worse than being terrible at something. Because at least with terrible, there is a chance that you are the best at being terrible at it.
Before going into this first group call, I was aware of a whisper in my left ear about “This better be fantastic. Like, it needs to be the best thing that these participants have ever been involved in, in their entire lives”.
Yep, my inner critic has impossible standards.
I was proud that I noticed the voice, recognised that the truth is that I want them to enjoy this program, and that I want them to have a good experience.
And then I did my usual routine to get grounded, and into flow.
And during the whole session I mostly stayed in that state, with a bit of excited tension thrown in. Because it was exciting.
Then I clicked “end call” and BAM!
All the doubts.
Did they hate it?
Was it meh and unmemorable?
Will they say that’s it, I’ve had enough?
With all the adrenaline rush that comes with these kinds of thoughts.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Logically, I know that I can design good learning experiences. I know that if there is anything lacking, I can create and add it in from now on.
However, my body still had adrenaline and cortisol running through it.
Those 3 minutes of self-critique were powerful. I unsettled myself, and got my heart racing, just with a single thought. (Yep, that’s how powerful I am. Cool, right?)
So right now, on Tuesday night, I know the most important thing for me to do is this: take care of this body of mine.
It is the vessel that carries me around as I dare to do new things.
So there is no post-session analysis happening tonight.
Just breathing. Probably a zebra shake (no, not a like a milkshake but with zebras). A whole body shake. Plus some yoga.
Then cooking dinner, having a cup of tea, and chilling out.
Taking care of this body of mine as I continue to do new and scary things.
How do you handle that old imposter feeling?
This is part of my Thought Piece Series, where I explore topics related to leadership and provide both answers and questions. My intention is to start meaningful conversations that help us move forward. Want to connect? Click here.